My daughter turned 3 in a few weeks ago, and looking back at all of the phases she and I went through, from before she was born to her first and second year, it’s super clear that she wasn’t the only one who changed and grew into herself. I did too, in mentally and physically (lol).
When I was pregnant, I had promised myself to be that go-with-the-flow, low expectations, no fuss kind of mom. This was me knowing that I would probably be setting myself up for failure if I wanted to be supremely organized, house clean 24/7, aesthetically pleasing, top chef in the kitchen with abs.
(By the way, there’s no such thing as having it all at the same time.)
And to be honest with you, I thought I was doing a good job being that chill mom. But as my dear friend Catherine once told me, “For someone who seems chill, you have absolutely zero chill.” And my sister confirmed it when she said that as a mom, I am actually quite extra.
Really? Well, maybe? Could it be because I am always animated when I play with my daughter? Or that I take it to the next level of hanging up her artwork on the living room wall?*
Side note: there’s this super cool frame you can open to slip in all of your kid’s artwork to display, you can buy it on Shopee.
Or is it that I have a bunch of Pinterest boards curating ideas for her birthday, her bedroom design, etc. etc.? Oh my God, have I become that mom?
Not to say that moms who go above and beyond are a bad thing, but it’s not all that great either because in my 3 years of motherhood, this was one of the things I realised.
After becoming a mother, we look at time very differently.
Here’s a mini diagram:
This line represents time:
And there is only so much of it.
Half of it is meant to be allocated for your child, and the other half is for whatever it is you need to do: like shower, eat, sleep, meet up with friends, go to work, go to the gym (in whichever order is important to you), etc. etc.
Notice when we start looking at time like this, we realise we kinda have to compromise on wanting to have it all in one go, because it will seep into the time you’re meant to have with your kid.
And when we have waaaay too many things happening without any breathing room, we get burnt out.
And I’m curious, for every modern-day parent these days, what do we HONESTLY do when we’re burnt out?
No judgments, as I have done all of the above.
But what I found these days is that when people say they have concerns with kids having screen time, we should start being concerned as parents about how WE use screen time. And it got me thinking: way back when, what did we do pre-internet, pre-smartphones to manage burnout?
I feel like the common thing pre- and post-internet times is that when we have burnout, we need to overcompensate by LOOKING at something or DOING something.
Maybe pondering. Or tinkering with the random stuff you have at home, like looking at old memory boxes, decluttering, or flipping through old photo albums. You remember those, right?
I have a drawer full of printed photos, and it was nice just to sit down and look through them. To see all the people I still have in my life, and the people who came and went.
And lo and behold, 30 minutes had gone by.
That was when I realised: I’d be doing the same thing if I looked at the thousands of photos on my phone, but the difference is… other apps are far too accessible for me. And unfortunately I have no self control.
I don’t want to be a terrible influence on my daughter and that my life revolves around my phone in good times and bad times.
Even when it comes to going down memory lane.
It’s incredible that she actually asks to see pictures on my phone too as her way of reminiscing (yes, I know she’s 3), but it’s probably her secret way of having access to screen time.
So, I decided to bring back a photo album into our lives.
Every month, we get to print a few photos of her choice, so we can look through them together. Sure it’s additional effort, but there’s just something about quietly sitting down looking through something for about 20 minutes. And you can’t tell me it’s actually genius because quiet time and no screen? Am I speaking to parents hello?
I’m no parenting expert but it is a fun project with your kids. I hope you get to bring back something small from your childhood to your own children whether it’s a photo album, listening to the stereo, or watching TV with ads.
It might seem extra, but it’s the best extra to do.